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Umineko 1-1 deux
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UMINEKO EPISODE 1-1: THE BEGINNING OF THE ENDING. (Part 2)

Remember to read Part 1 before going on.

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Coming up next: The Mystery of the Inflating Chest




WARNING: THIS SATIRICAL LOOK ON THE EPISODE WILL SPOIL YOU FOR FUTURE EPISODES AND FOR THE GAME IN GENERAL. THIS IS MEANT TO BE SOMETHING FOR GAME READERS TO POKE FUN AT.

Moving away from the cousins once again, we return to the parents who continue their happy fun time talk without Natsuhi. Too bad nobody remembers what they were fighting about in the first place among the beeps.

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Yes Krauss, it's time for spinning room action! Let's take a look.

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Wow I can be developed among this fast-paced jumping! Sign me up!

Their offers were good, but Krauss wasn't shaken at all.

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Krauss the Umineko troll is about to throw down the gauntlet.

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Hideyoshi won't be developed! This is horrible. Whose Hideyoshi again?

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So that's how he knew he was going to die.

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Rosa tells it like it is.

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And Krauss continues his trolling

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Nobody likes Hideyoshi. That is if they could remember who he is.

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Okay these guys are boring and lame. Let's go back to the cousins again.

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"Okay, when we get off the island we're going to the hospital and talk about how fun it is to grow up to children with terminal cancer!"

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It's not like anyone is going to be killed off or anything.

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Jessica: I'll totally remember that when I give this to my mom!

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However, nobody was quite aware of Rosa's mental state.

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However, Maria didn't feel like listening and similar to her aunt Eva she went into rage mode

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But what Maria didn't know was that rage ran in the family: where Maria can be in rage, Rosa could go a step up.


SUPER RAAAAAAGE

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And that's when the children realized something horribly shocking!

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Maria could actually say something other than Uu! A miracle.

Rosa didn't seem to care though.

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"Slapping children, leaving them out in the rain - I'm like freaking Mother Teresa!"

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So the children leave, afraid of being taught Parenting 101, and leave Maria to find the plot herself.

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Nobody likes Maria.

But suddenly ANOTHER NEW CHALLENGER ARRIVES.

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If the seagulls are gone and the butterflies arrive then that's a sign to gtfo off the island.

Meanwhile, it's almost dinner time and Kinzo still hasn't gotten his portrait back. He decides to bargain with DEEN.

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Too bad he's impatient.

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Yeah because there's no way throwing out your ring will backfire.

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OSHI-

It's about dinner time now and Kanon comes to bring the kids to the mansion.

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Once again, Kanon forgets to read the memo. Either that or he's ignoring it like a douche.

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"What do you expect, I never even went to high school."

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Battler's logic is unfathomable.

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Jessica got her father's smarts and her mother's chest.


And so Rosa goes out to search for her daughter and begins to worry.

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I didn't say she was worrying about Maria, now did I?

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"Well it's not like I was paying attention to the script after the part where I teach my daughter a lesson"

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Finally they find Maria.

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Rosa: Reigning Champion for World's Best Mother shows how important "think first, care for your child later" is a skillful tactic.

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Even if she had a cellphone coverage would probably be crappy in this weather...or just in general.

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Logic shows that the Studio DEEN president IS A WITCH!

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WHO THE HELL ARE THESE COLORFUL HAIRED LOSERS? AND WHERE'S THE MURDER?!?!??!?!!

Well, besides figuring out that Ryukishi = M. Night Shyamalan, not much happened...I guess :U


EPILOGUE

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THE END...FOR NOW
Tags:

  • 1
tldr; the anime sucks - go read the visual novel.

Also: Immense lols.

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